Heartbreak:

The word heartbreak is so bold, it's so… harsh, and unrealistic really. Our literal hearts don't break, but what breaks and what hurts is the emotional aspect of loosing somebody you love to either death or a break up. 

A break up is the topic of this blog. 

Words were spoken and I wanted everything to not hear any of it, I didn't want to face the reality that it was happening. That the past three years of my life we're soon to be but memories with no future. I remember standing there with a billion thoughts going through my head saying things to over ride what he was saying so the conversation wouldn't end the way I feared it would, with him walking away from me while I stood there with my heart in my hands just wanting him to not be giving my heart back to me. 

It sounds dramatic, but its how I felt. When I got home that night it felt like somebody had picked up a board and smashed it repeatedly on my stomach and the feeling wasn't going away. Tears streamed down my face for hours and a breath was something I grasped for and sleep wasn't really something that existed in my life for a while. Thinking highly of myself didn't exist and being around me wasn't the most fun. 

He was my best friend and I was his.We knew everything about each other, he was my first kiss. 

I spent months on end thinking about him everyday, praying for him… not to be brought back to me but simply for his life, and for him to be happy because he deserves happiness, he's been through enough in his life and as have I... we both deserve it. 

I say all this to give you a glimpse of how it wasn't easy, but whats made it easier is to know I have a God that I can put my trust in. What I want most in his life is for him to be happy and to have his dreams come true. He is an amazing guy, his passion is pulsating and his love for God is inspiring. Because I know he believes in God and follows his walk with Him strongly, I can know with all guarantee that happiness and the desires of his heart, two things strongly spoken of in the Bible that God gives us are his, and thats all that matters to me.

I'm not writing this blog for attention, or for sympathy. I'm writing it because people often ask me how I did it, how I've made it through, how I can be so happy and wish the best for him. I often think people think I never hurt, that I am this magical person who just looks at the brighter side all the time. The truth is I hurt, and I hurt a lot and no words can explain it.

The answer to all these questions is prayer and God. Without having boldly stood on God throughout this all I have no idea where I would be right now. With God I know He promises happiness and the desires of our hearts to us who love Him, and I love Him, and I know he does too, and because of this I can be okay about all of it, because I know that in both of our lives we will succeed in God's plan for our lives and that we will be happy, and thats truthfully all that matters to me.

My future is bright, and life is how it is, we've got to look at things in our lives that have helped us mould us into who we are now, and who I am is happy, which is something I never use to fully knew felt like.