Heartbreak:

The word heartbreak is so bold, it's so… harsh, and unrealistic really. Our literal hearts don't break, but what breaks and what hurts is the emotional aspect of loosing somebody you love to either death or a break up. 

A break up is the topic of this blog. 

Words were spoken and I wanted everything to not hear any of it, I didn't want to face the reality that it was happening. That the past three years of my life we're soon to be but memories with no future. I remember standing there with a billion thoughts going through my head saying things to over ride what he was saying so the conversation wouldn't end the way I feared it would, with him walking away from me while I stood there with my heart in my hands just wanting him to not be giving my heart back to me. 

It sounds dramatic, but its how I felt. When I got home that night it felt like somebody had picked up a board and smashed it repeatedly on my stomach and the feeling wasn't going away. Tears streamed down my face for hours and a breath was something I grasped for and sleep wasn't really something that existed in my life for a while. Thinking highly of myself didn't exist and being around me wasn't the most fun. 

He was my best friend and I was his.We knew everything about each other, he was my first kiss. 

I spent months on end thinking about him everyday, praying for him… not to be brought back to me but simply for his life, and for him to be happy because he deserves happiness, he's been through enough in his life and as have I... we both deserve it. 

I say all this to give you a glimpse of how it wasn't easy, but whats made it easier is to know I have a God that I can put my trust in. What I want most in his life is for him to be happy and to have his dreams come true. He is an amazing guy, his passion is pulsating and his love for God is inspiring. Because I know he believes in God and follows his walk with Him strongly, I can know with all guarantee that happiness and the desires of his heart, two things strongly spoken of in the Bible that God gives us are his, and thats all that matters to me.

I'm not writing this blog for attention, or for sympathy. I'm writing it because people often ask me how I did it, how I've made it through, how I can be so happy and wish the best for him. I often think people think I never hurt, that I am this magical person who just looks at the brighter side all the time. The truth is I hurt, and I hurt a lot and no words can explain it.

The answer to all these questions is prayer and God. Without having boldly stood on God throughout this all I have no idea where I would be right now. With God I know He promises happiness and the desires of our hearts to us who love Him, and I love Him, and I know he does too, and because of this I can be okay about all of it, because I know that in both of our lives we will succeed in God's plan for our lives and that we will be happy, and thats truthfully all that matters to me.

My future is bright, and life is how it is, we've got to look at things in our lives that have helped us mould us into who we are now, and who I am is happy, which is something I never use to fully knew felt like.

Inspired:

I read my sister in laws blog everyday, i get excited to read it and see her creativity unfold in the way she writes. She engages me and brings me to tears everyday, good tears. To see the heart of somebody through their writing and how they share their personal life is special and hard for the writer to do. When I read her blog I melt I am reminded of life's beauty and inspires me to write more and to be more personal in a good way.

My blogging is going to begin taking a shift for a bit and I'm going to write about some things in my life that have been rough but beautiful, it's my testimony and it's time to be heard.

Kara's Blog: www.septemberchronicles.blogspot.com

Music:

I can't get enough of it! With being a musician comes a lot of passion and passion is my favorite thing! Music is an art form and all art takes passion. When I see somebody doing something their passionate my heart melts, and musicians always have a piece of my heart because of this. Painters, Photographers, Fashion Designers every art form is amazing.

Tonight I was introduced to a musician Gavin Slate this guy went all over Toronto with a mock up Starbucks Pick of the week that he left beside the other actual pick of the week, pure genius! This is a man with passion!

What are you passionate about? Think about it and live it out! :)

My Family:

Don't you just love family!!! How two people create another person and this person will marry another then create another! It's beautiful honestly! My family is amazing!! They each have a piece of my heart, and I love every single one of them. My mom and dad are like best friends, I often go over to my parents house and find them watching some TV together or they go on mini dates, they laugh and text each other through out the day, so modern :).My sister and I live together with our friend Emily around the corner from my brother and sister in laws house as well as my nephew of corse. My sister and I live together as I said and just read that, it tells it all, we moved out of our parents into a place together... i love her! We're best friends and laugh so much together sing at the top of our lungs and hang out with the same friends :) My brother and I are a lot a like, nerds with computers and technology and of course music. I love having a big brother it's so special to have that, and see how much he loves his wife and son is breath taking! My sister in law and I are quite similar when it comes to creativity. My family all comes together well and I couldn't have asked for any other family or life, although it's been tough and I've gone through a lot, and my family has it's made us stronger and grew us closer together.

There are things that can tear us apart from our family, and things that can bring us together, and weather your family is close or not, they are still family! If things are tough send a prayer out to the ones that may have hurt you and every time you think of them just ask God to bless them.

- Erin Caitlin

Too particular:

I find when I think about blogging I feel I need to set aside hours to do a good blog post. I've been keeping up with my sister in laws blog (www.septemberchronicles.blogspot.com) and what I notice with it that I love is its simplicity it's beautiful simplicity.

Made me think about this and came to realize that If I stay thinking that way then I can miss out on a lot. Being too particular isn't fun, and I've become more this way lately and I don't like it at all. I'm coming back to this simplicity because life is better that way. I don't need to worry about the little things I have been lately life is too short and I don't want to miss out on anything.

Fall:

It's that time of year again, scarfs, boots, pumpkin spice lattes and everything else beautiful made with pumpkin. The smell of the air becoming cooler the sun is shining but there is this sweet breeze I love it! A lot of people say spring is the time of new beginnings and some say new years eve and all are very true but for me Mid-August, beginning of September stands that point in my life.

I'm not sure why it does, but it makes me feel different, doesn't make me more happy or more sad but it gives me a calming. Fall and Winter tend to be the times that bring my family the closest. My brother and my sister in laws birthdays are only a day apart in September, then October rolls around and its turkey time, sooner then we know it Christmas is here then New Years Eve, then new this Winter will be my Nephews first birthday along with my Moms in February.

I often talk about what I'm going to be doing with my life in a years time, a famous quote of mine is "I wonder where we will be this time next year." and it blows my mind how quickly that 'this time next year' comes around. I have a dozen ideas of what I may do and every week it seems to change. Today it's to not leave and to stay in my home town and be with my family, not a bad idea at all I think, but I know theres things in my life I am to do, and want to do, but when these will happen, I'm not sure, but for right now and every day I am going to learn something new, I'm going to live each day as it comes and I'm going to love my Fall and Winter seasons.

Something new I learned today: You dont tape the ceiling when it comes to painting a room.